Why you should treat all of your relationships like fruit salads instead of smoothies
citywomenco citywomenco1 day ago 1天前
September 11, 2019 at 10:17PM by CWC
2019年9月11日晚10时17分，BY CWC
Healthy relationships have been described many ways throughout the course of human history, but a new analogy comes straight out of Hot Girl Summer. According to Dan Siegel, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, we should think of our relationships as fruit salads and not smoothies. You may be thinking, “I’ve never thought about any of my relationships as a smoothie, does this apply to me?” Also: “Now I’m hungry and feel compelled to buy a $12 smoothie from Whole Foods.” First, yes it does. And second, I love this journey for you.
在人类历史的进程中，健康的人际关系已经被用很多方式描述过，但是一个新的类比直接来自《辣女孩的夏天》。根据加州大学洛杉矶分校医学院精神病学临床教授丹·西格尔医学博士的观点，我们应该把我们的关系看作是水果沙拉，而不是奶昔。你可能会想，“我从来没有想过我的任何一段感情是奶昔，这适用于我吗?”还有:“现在我饿了，不得不从全食超市买一杯12美元的奶昔。”“首先，是的。其次，我喜欢你的这段旅程。
I also love this analogy, because it involves two of my favorite things: chopped fruit and talking about my failed relationships. Essentially, what we’re supposed to get is that a “smoothie” relationship is not healthy because you blend together and lose yourself in the relationship, while a “fruit salad” relationship allows you to maintain your independence and sense of self while still being connected to your partner.
我也喜欢这个比喻，因为它涉及到我最喜欢的两件事:切碎的水果和谈论我失败的恋情。从本质上讲，我们应该得到的是，一段“奶昔”关系是不健康的，因为你们混在一起，在这段关系中迷失了自己，而一段“水果沙拉”关系允许你在与伴侣保持联系的同时保持自己的独立性和自我意识。
“We are often taught that romantic relationships should ‘complete us’ or be our everything,” says Dee Stacey, certified sexual health educator for Blume. “But this isn’t actually a healthy relationship practice!” We’ve been fed (ha!) this idea that true love means you simply cannot go on without the other person. While it can feel good to “blend” into another person, it will not feel good to lose your identity.
Blume的认证性健康教育者迪•斯泰西(Dee Stacey)表示:“我们经常被教导，恋爱关系应该‘让我们完整’，或者成为我们的一切。”“但这实际上不是一种健康的恋爱行为!”“我们被灌输了这样的观念:真爱意味着你不能离开另一个人。虽然融入另一个人感觉很好，但失去自己的身份却不会感觉很好。
While it can feel good to “blend” into another person, it will not feel good to lose your identity.
虽然融入另一个人感觉很好，但失去自己的身份却不会感觉很好。
“One person can’t meet all of your physical, emotional, and social needs. Maintaining your individuality allows you to thrive in other relationships—with friends, family, and yourself—so you can achieve the balanced level of support you deserve,” Stacey says. When you go full Edward and Bella in your romantic relationships, your other relationships can suffer, along with your goals, hobbies, and careers, she adds.
“一个人无法满足你所有的生理、情感和社交需求。保持你的个性能让你在与朋友、家人和自己的关系中茁壮成长，这样你就能获得你应得的平衡的支持。她补充道，当你全身心投入到爱德华和贝拉的浪漫关系中时，你的其他关系也会受到影响，你的目标、爱好和职业也会受到影响。
So how can you keep from putting yourself and your partner into a metaphorical Vitamix? “Remember that healthy relationships are made up of respect, communication, trust, and reciprocity—none of which require you to be ‘one’ with the other person,” says Stacey. She recommends that you make alone time for yourself, like going for a walk, journaling, self-pleasure (mischievous face emoji), or practicing a hobby. “It might also foster a sense of appreciation for our partner, because neither person feels they need to be together to survive, but that it is their choice,” she adds.
Western culture is uniquely concerned with individualism, notes Stacey. “I strongly value self-care, but I also value collective-care, care in our community,” she says. “Studies are coming out right now that show generations thrive when we connect elders with toddlers, and middle-aged folks with youth. However, we can’t foster collective care if we are feeling lost as individuals. We have to start somewhere, and being happy and content alone is a very good place to start.”
You know what they say about love—first you’ve gotta love yourself in all your chopped fruit glory, even the honeydew parts. Is this a Lizzo song? Because I am feeling independent and good as hell.
Here’s how to use your love languages to improve your relationship with yourself. And this expert thinks you should treat your relationship as a rental—here’s why.
Author Allie Flinn | Well and Good
Selected by CWCCategories: Your Healthiest RelationshipTags: Well+GoodLeave a Comment